I saw my nanu

I saw my nanu (mother’s father) in my dream early in the morning today.

“So all of my mother’s family was there in the house and I was fighting with my aunt over something and then went in the room and sat down alone.

And then nanu came and we hugged so tightly that I could hear his heart beat.

He looked so healthy and somehow younger than the last I’d seen of him.

We sat and talked and I showed him my sketches and he said look how wonderful young woman you’ve grown into.”

I woke up and I started to cry.

Because I haven’t really talked to him in more than 11 years and unfortunately we lost him to cancer 4 years ago.

Our families were never in good terms so I didn’t even went to see the last of him.

All I’m left with is our childhood memories which are so good till date.

And today’s dream felt like a closure and guilt altogether because I was never there for him when he needed me.

All I want to say is –

If you have grandparents please do respect them. Spend a little time with them. Because their love is so pure.

And people who grow up without that know what it feels like to be deprived of this love.

Sunrise

In life, the good days are so often preceded by the bad days.

Just like the sun rises after the darkest phase of night.

There are phases in our life too when nothing makes any sense.

We keep on loosing our closest people, we seem to be at loss of everything that matters to us, that are close to our hearts.

But remember that it’s just a part of life.

We will make and loose friends, we will keep on loosing track of the people who really are our truest friends.

But times like these only, make us our best of friends.

Times like these teach us that we need to learn to love ourselves, have faith in the higher consciousness and have patience.

Because always, the sun rises after the darkest hour.

No matter how soon or how late, the good days come around.

All you have to do is push yourself till the sun rises.

Love.

Love doesn’t know any boundaries
It happens when it happens and no one can control that.
Love doesn’t understand languages
It can only be felt by the heart.
Love doesn’t see the distance
It thrives where it has to thrive.

There may be difficulties but it lives through everything.

All it takes is two person who can go through everything and say we will always get through it together ❤

Love doesn’t need a special day.
Because love is there everyday ❤

Love is waking up and knowing that we have someone who looks out for us.
Love is in knowing their faults and accepting that person.

Love is in the imperfection
Love is in the messy being
Who does everything they can to bring a smile on each other’s face
Love is in fighting because they doesn’t take their care.
Love is in staying awake that extra hour to talk.

Love is little efforts that means a lot.

Let’s not celebrate love only on this day
Let’s celebrate love every single day❤

Happy Valentine’s Day ❤

A college experience

A few days ago, in my college I heard this from a patient who was pretty young.

He was probably in his early 20s and he was asking my senior something which was really thought provoking to me..

He asked my senior ” aap sachme kaise kar lete ho yaar 4 saal daat ki padhai.. bore nahi hote??” (Do you really study the teeth for 4 years? Isn’t it boring?)

I was pretty taken aback.

Even the young educating people think that we just study the teeth..

I am an aspiring dentist who asks ” Is it really that hard to see that we study not just the teeth ?”

Today I feel like answering that young man’s question.

No we don’t get bored. And we certainly don’t study “just” the teeth.

We study more than just that. We study the whole of human body and we get to change lives.

It’s a fact that the toothache is second most painful thing after a normal baby delivery.

We get to treat that and make our patients happy.

Smile, the universal jewelry of mankind, we shape it, improve it, reconstruct it, we give a new life to those little babies with cleft lip/cleft palate, we CHANGE lives..

Dentistry isn’t just studying.. its much more than that, you have to be artistic enough to complete your work with precision be it the dentures or those technique sensitive crowns, be it tooth preparation or simply taking the radiographs, you need all the precision.

The oral cavity, it’s a reflection to the body.

Many times we look and we know that there’s something going on within.

In India you struggle with dentistry a lot in the initial days.. because majority of us were preparing for MBBS.

So you struggle with the fact that you get to do this.. but eventually you realize that dentistry is pretty hardcore too.

Dentistry in itself Is divided into 9 branches and more coming soon..

There are different branches that deeply study the oral pathology, the branch that deal with the children, that deals with the carious tooth, with complex surgeries of head & neck and so on.

So basically we have no room to get bored because as any other field Dentistry is super interesting as you get more and more involved with it.

Because like every other field dentistry is evolving and improving with each passing day.

And I’m proud to be an aspiring Dental Surgeon.

Open letter

Today on the occasion of promise day.. I promise that I won’t promise you anything ever that has a potential to break…

I won’t promise you stars and moon and a happy time because that isn’t real.

Our relationship will have ups and downs
We will fight, cry, laugh be mad at each other, be like little kids and do stupid stuff.

And so I won’t promise you that we’ll be the happiest couple.

I won’t promise you that I’ll never cry because I do cry when I’m happy or sad Or angry.

But I can tell you something..

I can tell you that I love you from the day we met.
I can tell you that I won’t ever leave your side

I can tell you that I support you and

I can tell you that I want to know you better so that I can make you happy.

I can tell you that I want to see you succeed in life.
And I can tell you that I’ll be happy in your happiness and sad in your sadness.

I can tell you that I might not have the best of solutions to our problems but I am a good listener and I’ll be here to listen to what you are going through.

I can tell you that I don’t want the good days.

Because I’m here for everyday till I am alive.

So on this promise day.. I won’t promise you things that can be broken.

All I can do is tell you that I’m here for you and

I love you!❤

~From a girl who wants to be yours for the rest of our lives.

Covid love story part -2

My quarantine seemed to be never ending.

As my 14 days quarantine was about to be over, our doctor extended it.

It was for dad’s sake. He had systemic illnesses which was why we had to take some extra precautions.

And the wait to actually meet him in person didn’t seem to end anywhere near.

Obviously I wouldn’t get permission to step out of the house when the doctor herself denied. So we waited a little longer. And once I felt okay to step out, I asked to plan a meet.

Well actually I sneeked out.

And I was so excited that I can’t even describe in words.

It was the rush of adrenaline to sneek out, and to step out after a complete time of 8 months. Added excitement was to meet him finally.

We were 4 friends who planned to just go out and have a great night roaming the streets of the city and that is exactly what we did.

I had always imagined him to be a chubby little guy because that was how he seemed when we had team meetings and his voice was always so soft to hear.

But! I was totally wrong!

And I realized that when he actually got off the two wheeler after spending a couple of hours talking and roaming the streets.

He was particularly talk and had an amazing personality.

The way he talked, the way he laughed, the way he respected and took our care with atmost responsibility, he really did stole my heart.

Well of course I knew he was a foody but I think it was where we actually connected to each other.

That first meet even if it wasn’t a date seemed like one.

I don’t believe in love at first sight but I do believe in connections, and I felt so deeply connected to him.

But you see I met him at a point of my life when I’ve already had a very toxic relationship and it had been only a year since I walked away from it.

So was I scared? Yes.

The connection I felt between us was very new to me. And I’ve never seen a guy this humble before.

They say do what excites you and scares you at same time. But here, along with the excitement and fear what I felt was a kind of calm. I was afraid but at the same time I felt secure.

We spent the whole time chit chatting, singing songs out loud in the middle of the streets and talking even the nonsense stuff. We went to eat a little and went to city’s most preferred lake.

It was a dream come true.

In India you don’t get to spend time at lakes in the middle of the night admiring the beautiful moon and the stars and the quiet.

But I kinda got to experience it.

Being a person who is excited by the moon, the stars, water, and the person who you feel connected with, this moment was indeed a dream come true. Obviously we weren’t alone at the moment but this was the moment I could never forget my entire life.

The night went by even before we knew it. And it went so fast that it felt like only minutes have passed since we met.

After the sunrise we went to another lake before I went home. And that was where something special happened.

He held my hand.

And it was like he had touched my soul.

You might say what special is about holding a hand is?

I thought so too but it was.

His hands were so warm and the feeling was the best in the world.

And honestly, this was the moment I knew I’ve met that one person with whom I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Growing up

Its never easy growing with parents who hardly are grown up themselves. And specially when one of them is a bipolar patient and the other one left you to deal with things alone!

Nothing matters while you grow up but now when you’re all grown up, it scares the hell out of you!

Well, to be honest knowing that bipolar is genetic it scares me a lot because all of my childhood I hated the fact that I looked so much like my mom and now this piece of information makes me a lot more like her than i thought.

And now when I have days when i feel sad or happy for no reason I’m afraid it’s all but symptoms of bipolar.

And that is how I pushed myself to consider professional help.

I don’t what to ever put anyone in the position of suffering the same I’ve been through!

There is so much of pain and anger in me that I’ve never sorted out.. It just kept on building to a point where life was meaningless.. but it’s not and you understand this the hard way.

Covid love story

We met during this lockdown when the whole world was facing a pandemic. And I was covid positive.

I vividly remember that I heard about him through my friends but I’ve never talked to him personally.

And that night I was crying so bad.. I was anxious and disturbed because being in home quarantine with father is not an easy task specially in India.

It was a Google meet meeting. He was there but perhaps my crying was to important and I didn’t pay any attention until he broke his silence and talked sense into me.

What he said was something I already knew.. That my father would be happy if I am happy and so on.

I knew it already but the moment he said those words, something happened inside me.

Somehow I listened so carefully and followed what he asked me to do.

The next couple days I controlled my anguish and I pretended to be happy and surprisingly bearing with my father was so easy.

This exact thing is what made me feel something special for him.. And the rest followed..

We started talking on a daily basis. He would call at exact timings everyday for the next few days. For a few days he was the only one talking for all I would say was yes, hmm, right and some work talks.

Our conversations slowly got longer and one day we talked all about our adventures and we felt so connected.

One night I was upset and in the flow of the moment I shared my life story with him. About how I grew up with my parents as it was a traumatic thing for me. Something I never told someone so easily. It took me hell lot of courage to actually tell him all of it in one go.

Somehow it felt like a very heavy stone was lifted off my head, which was a very new feeling to me. Because I was used to carry that burden around.

After that he did insisted on meeting face to face but my quarantine won’t allow for that.

As a matter of fact I was scared too. ‘What if I give him covid’ was my main concern and so we couldn’t meet until my quarantine was over.

Dil Bechara – A heartfelt movie

Not just a movie but a roller coaster of emotions and memories of our beloved Sushant Singh Rajput

A movie that reminds us of how little we have control over our lives

A fault in our stars was a movie and novel that did exactly the same until that very day when we lost Sushant

I still remember I woke up that morning smiling and cheerful and thinking Thanks God for this one more day to live

But then in the afternoon I saw a WhatsApp status and I was numbed

It said Sushant committed suicide

And I was freezed for what seemed like an eternity

Bollywood lost another gem

Such a talented and amazing personality did such a thing

I constantly went on google and read the same thing but I couldn’t believe

I cried after I actually went downstairs and switched on the television news and I kept asking ” Why Sushant? “

Never did I thought that some actor’s death would affect me this much.. But Sushant was something else..

Today I wonder how can someone who we don’t even know or have ever met can affect us so much

I only pray and hope that Sushant wherever you are, I hope you are at peace and you’re in a better place ❤

Acceptance

Work, studies, friends, outings everything eventually distracts us..

Keeps us busy so we dont think about our darkest moments, fears in life..

But.. what now? when we have little of our distractions and we can see those scary parts of life that we survived and pushed to the corners of mind?

We all have deep dark secrets about ourselves that we dont even care of telling to others, we just keep on finding newer distractions, new things that keep us away from confronting the exact moments we experienced..

Those moments maybe the reason why some of us dont like to stay home, why we need people to talk to, to laugh with, to make sure we aren’t alone with ourselves and catch ourselves remembering the moments that caused us pain..

What do you do now when you have nowhere to go and you catch yourself with yourself?

Me would say, dont run away now..

Let those moments come to you.. it feels as if all this while when we worked so hard to forget these moments was all in vain because they come as if things happened yesterday..

Like you are reliving the dark moments that you so want to drop away..

But let them come.. Maybe just feel them cry, cry out loud and muff the sounds in pillow or something.. cry because you are not supposed to feel happy everyday..

Once the cry stops, know that its okay to be not okay..

Once you wipe your tears still in the euphoria, tell yourself that these exact dark moments of your life shaped you.

The person you are, somewhere these memories have shaped you..

No matter how bad it is.. you have to acknowledge them because no one can fight your battles..

You always carry them with you..

the insecurity, the silence, the smile whether its real or a consequence of pain, everything comes from you from your bad decisions you made that make you feel guilty, the moments that made you feel helpless, miserable or what not….

But know one thing.. these moments make us who we are.. it always take tears to know what smile feels like sadness to know happiness, fears to know courage, cries to know how laugh feel like..

So dont run away from your darkest memories,acknowledge them, make peace with them..

Accept that they made you and let them go

Because keeping them hostage within you is longer a choice.